Roommate Problems Solved – Letters from Readers Answered
Dear Creepy Crawly,
It sounds like your roommate is flexing her independence muscles without much concern for who gets knocked over in the process. She expressed to you that your “nagging” sounds like her mother, so you can assume that’s she’s used to being yelled at for not cleaning up and is rebelling for all those years of angst with her mom. If you keep this in mind and approach her in a different way, you may be able to get her to respond. Try cleaning when she’s around and making a comment like, “Cleaning is such a pain—I’ve always hated it. But I also can’t stand bugs and those ants in the cupboard are really disgusting. Hey, how about we clean up together and then go see a movie?” She may be more willing to clean if she can view it as a part of a grown-up life and not as a childhood pain she’s trying to avoid. If that doesn’t work be upfront and tell her you’re not going to live in a filthy apartment and that she’ll have to either do her part or move somewhere else. You can ask for your landlord’s help in getting her to move if it comes to it. Good luck!
Dear Apartments.com,
I really don’t like my roommate. I mean this is really embarrassing, but she actually scares me. She gets in these fights with her boyfriend on the phone and the next thing I know, she’s throwing things. She gets really nasty sometimes and snaps at me. I’ve never felt like this before but sometimes I don’t want to come home from work because I don’t know what kind of mood she’s going to be in. I don’t want to say anything to her about it because I’m scared of how she’s going to react. We’ve got six months left on the lease and I really don’t know if I can stay in this situation that long.
How can I get away from her before something happens?
Freaked Out in Fort Wayne, IN
Dear Freaked Out,
You’re dealing with a very stressful situation and need to look out for yourself. There are several possible scenarios that are causing this behavior. Does your roommate switch moods suddenly? Does she use poor judgment, like spending too much money shopping or forgetting about commitments? Does she use drugs or alcohol in addition to these other issues? These are possible signs of bipolar disorder, a serious medical problem that needs professional attention. If she is simply angry all the time, it is possible her boyfriend is verbally and/or physically abusive. If you see signs of abuse you should gently ask her about them and encourage her to seek help in leaving the relationship. A third possibility is that she is just a cranky person. If you truly believe that is the case you should sit down with her and politely but firmly explain that her attitude is upsetting to you and that you can’t be treated that way in your own home. Perhaps she doesn’t realize how she is acting. If all else fails talk to your landlord and see if anyone else could sublet for the remaining time on the lease. You could also try advertising in the neighborhood to see if anyone needs a place immediately and offer them a sublet on your own.
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