Dealing with a Difficult Move
If you’re having a difficult move and you wish that all you had deal with was your security deposit and the electric company, then this article is for you. We hear the divorce statistics and the job changeover rates but rarely get much advice about how to handle these life crises. Hearing “you’re not alone” or that “you should just get over it” doesn’t help. Read on for step-by step advice that goes beyond, “It’s time to move on.”
What is happening to me?
Whether it’s the first time you’re living on your own or you’re making the transition as your divorce papers are completed, you might be going through an emotional time. Over millions of years of dealing with stressful situations, human beings have developed a process of dealing with these emotions. Psychologists have identified the following stages as the “transition cycle” when you go through a life change. The total process lasts 6-12 months or longer:
| Stage |
Positive Experience |
Negative Experience |
| First Shock |
Excitement |
Numbness |
| First Adjustment |
Honeymoon Phase |
Denial |
| Inner Contradictions |
Uncertainty/Losing |
Depression |
| |
Confidence/Confusion |
|
| Inner Crisis |
Crisis |
Crisis |
| Recovery |
Accepting/Exploring/Testing |
Letting Go/Recovery |
| Adapted from www.eoslifework.co.uk/tranprac.htm |
Now what do I do?
Hopefully you can figure out which stage you’re in by how you’ve been feeling recently. Whether you can find yourself on this chart or not, it’s a good idea to start a journal of your feelings—just a few lines a day can help you determine where you are and notice when you start to transition to the next stage. Below is a guide to help you through as you settle into your new place in the neighborhood and in life.
First Shock
Whether it just hit you that you’re going to be single again or mom won’t be there to wake you up every morning (both good and bad) you can get through this time by simply letting yourself feel whatever it is you’re feeling. Cry, shout, jump for joy, yell. Or maybe you don’t feel anything at all and that’s fine too. Just because your ex is constantly in tears doesn’t mean you have to be. Set yourself on auto-pilot and let your emotions fly you to the next stage.
First Adjustment
You just moved into your new place. Congratulations! Run around in your underwear and eat cookies for dinner. Who cares, mom’s not here! If you are going through a good time, this is your honeymoon. Enjoy it but know that it won’t last forever—which is for the best.
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